[personal profile] chlorhexidine
chlorhexidine: (Szayel - It's SCIENCE)
Questionnaire #1 -- The Basics

1. Your Name
Szayel Apollo Granz

2. Your age
Twenty four.

3. Describe yourself
Slender, pink hair, more attractive than my older brother.

4. Describe your mate (if applicable)
Convenient, since my 'matings' at present are strictly ones of convenience

5. Where (and when) do you live?
That information, I'm afraid, is classified.

6. What's your favourite sweet? (It is so a basic!)
I prefer salt flavours to sweet ones.

Questionnaire #2 – Favourites

What is your favourite...
Season?

Mating season. For Hyur, this normally falls between Emberleaf and Blackfrost.

Food?
Food is not a significant part of my life; it's best when it's quick, simple, and tidy, so I can eat while I work.

Animal?
Lobsters. Their telomeres don't degrade in the same way as most other animals, making cell reproduction in lobsters nearly perfect, and the older they get, the more virile they become.

Colour?
Pink.

Time of day?
Mornings are when I do my best thinking, evenings are when I do my best non-scientific work.

Weapon?
Intelligence.

Questionnaire #3 – Background

Tell us about...

Your place of birth.

Home, in Dalmasca. Brimming with thuggish Al Bhed, and their lust for machina. When someone builds machina for fucking, they will inevitably be a Home-born Al Bhed.

Your childhood.
Was unremarkable. I was diagnosed with Stargardt's at age eight, and was consequently picked on for both being 'speccy' and a half-breed. My dear older brother only encouraged it.

Your parents.
My mother is a hume, my father an Al Bhed. They wish I wrote to them more often.

Your siblings
Yylfordt. A less attractive first draft of myself who took after most of the rest of the Al Bhed where we grew up. Genetically, he's only my half sibling, which I find some comfort.

Your (current) home.
A lavish, secret location, deep underground. There are some wonderful laboratories here, but I am barred from them unless escorted. This situation needs to be remedied.

Your favourite "hang out".
If I am not in my own laboratory, or the attached infirmary, I can usually be found in my room. I suggest knocking before opening doors.

Questionnaire #4 – Skills
Can you read?
This is an intensely idiotic question.

Can you write?
Truly, astonishingly idiotic.

Can you sing?
Yes.

Can you play an instrument?
I'm particularly adept at the skin flute.

What languages do you speak?
Al Bhed, and standard Spiran.

What weapons can you use?
My intelligence, a sword, the unique armoury Fornicaras provides...

Questionnaire #5 – Secrets
Are you good at keeping secrets about yourself?
Yes.

What is your best kept secret?
It's better demonstrated than described.

What is your worst kept secret?
If it is worst kept, it is hardly a secret.

Are you good at keeping secrets about others?
Under the right circumstances, I can be.

What secret about someone else have you kept and wish you hadn't?
There are times when I consider revealing that my brother has a frightfully small penis, but out of affection for him, I refrain.

What secret about someone else have you not kept and wish you had?
I can't think of any.

Questionnaire #6 – Sex

Are you a virgin?
Only if it is possible to have so much sex that you cycle right back around to virginity.

Do you mate for life?
A significant number of animals that mate for life practice cuckoldry. No.

Who was your first lover?
I barely remember his name, just that he was my brother's best friend at the time, and I was sixteen. Yylfordt didn't speak to me for nearly a month; it was wonderful.

Who is your current lover?
Whoever consents.

What is your favourite sexual position?
For a personal favourite, I have to admit a fondness for being pinned face down over a desk, but I can't say there's a position I've ever disliked.

What are your kinks?
Science, and getting away with really twisted activities. Forbidden fruit, too.

Questionnaire #7 - Best and Worst

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
Losing my job, although that worked out to my advantage in the long run.

What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Well, given the end result, losing my job.

Who is your worst enemy?
Ignorance, sleep, having to attend to basic bodily functions when there is science or sex to be done.

Who is your best friend?
My bangaa penis dildo. Other than that, I don't have friends. They're a waste of time.

Tell us about your worst kiss.
I don't enjoy kissing, so this would be a long list.

Tell us about your best kiss.
No.
Questionnaire #8 – Mornings

What time do you wake/get up?
Shortly after six.

What's the first thing you do upon waking?
Shower.

Are you a morning person?
I've been accused of being particularly obnoxious in the mornings because of exactly this.

What is your typical morning like?
I wake up, attend to matters of personal grooming, make a coffee, read the newspaper's science section, go to my lab, and emerge for more coffee when my first one has gone cold.

Do you drink coffee?
Yes.

Do you need coffee?
Yes.

Questionnaire #9 - Are you?

Are you...
Smart?

Very.

Arrogant?
So I've been told.

Good-looking?
Very.

Sexy?
Yes.

Capable?
More than.

Dangerous?
If I need to be.

Questionnaire #10 – Marks

Do you have any scars?
No.

Do you have any piercings?
Yes...

Do you have any tattoos?
No.

Do you have any other markings?
When I release Fornicaras, yes.

Do you wear any jewellery?
The piercing counts, I expect, but other jewellery would just get in the way.

Have you ever broken any bones?
Actually, no.

Questionnaire #11 - Grab Bag

What is your favourite mode of transportation?
Airship, preferably with someone else flying.

Can you cook?
I dislike cooking.

Do you have big feet?
No, though I like men who do.

What is the square root of 169?
Thirteen.

If you could change your name to anything you wanted, what would you change it to?
Why would I change my name? I find Szayel Apollo quite fitting.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
That depends upon your definition of a clap.

Questionnaires #12 – Rituals

Do you believe in a higher power?
No.

Do you belong to a formal religion?
Absolutely not.

Do you have any religious rituals?
No.

Do your people have any sort of coming of age ritual?
Having sex may count, first piercings or tattoos are common though unofficial. The most common, however, is gaining a pilot's licence.

Do you have any personal rituals?
No.

Do you have any sexual rituals?
The care of my equipment could be considered ritualistic. I dislike improperly maintained toys.

Questionnaire #13 -- Your lover

If you do not have a lover/mate/significant other/spouse, please answer the questions about your best friend.
How long have you been together?

Five years, I think.

What do you like to do together?
I lubricate it, then use it until I see stars.

What do you do to make your lover happy?
Clean it afterwards.

What do you do even though it upsets your lover?
Use the others.

If someone was going to meet your lover for the first time, what one thing would they need to know?
It's to scale.

What's your absolutely favourite thing about your lover?
It doesn't try and talk to me afterwards.

Questionnaire #14 - If you were...

If you were a _____ what would you be?
a metal

Stainless steel.

a plant
Trichocereus bridgesii

a fault
Addiction

a virtue
Persistence

a colour
Pink

a season
Mating season.

Questionnaire #15 -- What is your most distinctive...

What is your most distinctive...
Physical feature?

My hair. There are not many male selkies with pink hair who are content to remain such.

Physical mannerism?
I have a habit of pushing my glasses up. I am aware of it.

Character trait?
Since I was apparently chosen to host Fornicaras based upon my personality, I would conclude that my most obvious, and thus distinctive, character trait is my ability to find something attractive about almost anyone.

Turn of phrase?
That depends upon the circumstances.

Pet peeve?
People who judge the sexual history of others while being wanton sluts themselves. You should have the grace to own your own behaviour.

Habit?
Science and sex are my only habits.


Questionnaire #16 – Wants

What's one place you've always wanted to go?
Daguerro.

What's one thing you've never been able to do?
Suck myself off.

What one thing have you always wanted to learn but never have?
The encryption keys for the top level security information in Draklor.

What's one thing you've always wanted to do and never have?
To date, double penetration.

What's one thing you've always wanted to have but don't have?
No questions asked funding for my work.

Who do you envy?
Aizen. He has so much spare gil to throw around, and the time and ability to pursue whatever his aims are. I'd wish for nothing more.
Questionnaire #17 – Animals

Do you like animals?
No.

Which animals don't you like?
Dreamhares.

Do you hunt? If so, for food or pleasure?
I send expendable fools out to hunt research materials. I have more important things to do.

Do you eat meat?
Yes.

Which animal do you most closely identify with?
I don't.

Which animal do you most closely identify your mate with?
I would be accused of racism for saying Bangaa.

Questionnaire #18 – Superstitions

Are you superstitious?
No.

What is your most embarrassing superstition?
I do not have one.

What is your most strongly held superstition?
These are all stupid questions.

Do you believe in the devil?
Only if Aizen is it.

Do you believe in karma?
No.

Do you carry a talisman/lucky charm/etc.?
No.

Questionnaire #19 -- Either Or

Country or City?
City. Countryside is dull, and for people who enjoy looking at grass.

Water or Alcohol
Water. Alcohol clouds the ability to think.

Black or White?
White, it looks cleaner.

Day or Night?
Day for work, night for winding down from work.

Pain or Pleasure?
No one genuinely chooses pain here, anyone who does is deriving pleasure from the pain, most likely of others.

Life or Death?
Life.

Questionnaire #20 Fear, pain and loss

What are you afraid of?
I don't particularly wish to discuss this. I feared losing my eyesight, as my mother has.

How do you deal with your fears?
I did something about them.

Why did you cry most recently?
I don't recall when I last cried.

What was the worst pain you've experienced?
Having my teeth knocked out hurt.

What is the worst injury or illness you've experienced?
Teeth knocked out, fractured cheekbone, fractured skull, various other contusions and abrasions, all at once.

What do you most dread losing?
My ability to think.

Questionnaire #21 -- Christmas and New Year's version

Do you celebrate a winter solstice type holiday and if so, which one?
Warsend.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? Kris Kringle? Hern the Hunter? The Ice Fairy? Someone else associated with the holiday?
I don't expect anyone over the age of five believes in such stories.

Do you like giving gifts?
No.

What's the best gift you've ever given someone?
One night with myself.

Do you like getting gifts?
Of course.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten?
Subscriptions to Scientific Spiran

Do you mark the coming of the New Year in some way?
Typically with Warsend parties. I usually attend them.

Are you making a new year's resolution? If so, what is it?
To sleep with more people.

Have you made resolutions in the past?
Yes.

If so, which was the most successful?
The last time I made a resolution to sleep with more people.

If so, which was the least successful?
Resolving not to buy any more toys as money was tight.

If you could make a completely fresh start, would you?
No.

If you had no choice and were making a completely fresh start and could bring one person with you, who would it be?
A clone of myself.
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